yo

honestly i was thinking recently about this website, and im like: “haven’t made a post in some time” and i had some like, laid out thing i actually wanted to post, but instead im just freestyling this.

not much has changed recently, still working still alone. im still really afraid of my future because it feels like everyone is moving forward. idk man, i make do, i get by, but im still not happy.

thinking about how i want to break out of my shell, but not sure how im going to go about doing that. i just really need to meet people. one of my friends works with me now, not sure if i posted about that, i probably didn’t. probably didn’t even post about my new job, idk.

i think i need to start being more tolerant of the things that annoy me, because it’s a massive hinderance as to why im unable to get along with most people. i work on a very weird value system with how annoying someone is. the problem with this system is the annoyance meter is very random and i don’t get along with everybody because i think they’re stupid as fuck. im sure if you met an example of a person im talking about they won’t seem so bad, and they aren’t, i’m just weird.

as for my schizo moments, my ex started looking at my stories on instagram. now, i don’t care who looks and im not checking every day, but i look sometimes when i post something niche or whatever. it’s been a year since i visited florida. yes yes, i KNOW, this is MASSIVE schizo shit right here but i miss her so womp womp.

my job is easy as fuck so im making good money and i’ve reached a new savings milestone, which is nice. i recently had the thought that i wanted to lower my defenses and maybe spend my money on something nice like a new car, but i had the idea reaffirmed to keep them up so idk, im still aggressively saving my money.

call me a certified cheddaphile.

don’t do that.

dude idk what else to say lol. oh actually, what is it with people NEVER reaching back out. why am i the one who reaches out, plans, executes, and then i just never hear back. some of y’all are weird as fuck.

also what’s with white women and boats. this shit pisses me off bro like, i could be rich as fuck and you wont catch me at some fancy restaurant or buying shit like a plane or a boat. the goal is just have enough money to do what i want. expensive expierences are cool, but almost never worth it.

i think i went off topic from this post, but at the same time i forgot what i really wanted to post. my life is really boring and stale, so there aren’t many new stories or things to post. i do the same thing every day over and over. i should break that cycle, and i’m still trying to figure out how. this is hard.

i also decided to stop smoking weed, sticking to just edibles. i find i enjoy them so much more than smoking cause the high lasts longer and im avoiding things like the smell or someone finding me. who said stoners can’t be productive? my parents probably think so, and they likely think id do meth or crack. i think the most i’d try is mushrooms, but idk. really enjoy banned edibles, my favorite brand.

thinking about reaching out to an old friend from the little caesars stories, not the one who fucked me over. but idk.

realized i said “but idk” a lot here.

hey man idk im weening off a high rn from the previous night. school starts soon and im fucking terrified. i have a north carolina trip coming up that i’ll likely tell stories about. it’s with some online friends i have never met before so this is cool.

i hope things get better.

p.s.

sarah, i wanted to mention you on this blog shit because of the impact you had on my life. i wouldn’t be half the person i am today if it wasn’t for the kindness you showed me, back when i was a fragile fucking loser. i love you, and i hope you’re doing ok. i hope we see each other again.