just got back from my vacation in north carolina. i went and visited some friends who i met in 2020 on discord from when a friend invited me to some random server.

6 years of knowing these people, since i was in high school. they’ve been there for long enough that i consider them family. i’ve always struggled with the idea of people enjoying my presence. typically when new people try to talk to me i just brush them away and don’t really give them the chance to introduce themselves. it’s hard making friends because people are just generally annoying as fuck and hard to get along with, especially if they don’t have a similar personality to me.

i was hesitant to even go on this vacation because of my mental health, i had a hard time convincing myself that i’d even have fun and that it would be a hassle, but i had an amazing time. i’m so grateful and happy that i got to meet another group of friends who i’ve known online, and i can’t wait for the next trip.

was really hard to noy cry on the plane, honestly i just need to cry it out in general because i bottle things up, and it hit me really hard leaving. i didn’t want to come back, it meant going back to all my responsibilities and my family. i should reiterate that i don’t hate my family, they just don’t align with me very well, and living here is difficult because of the things i find OK versus what they find ok.

i’m a very lonley person, but this trip was something i really needed. to see that this group of friends could care so much about me and make me feel appreciated was an amazing feeling, and i’m so happy i have them in my life. i wouldn’t trade it for anything.

grace, caleb, carlos, cody, thank you for being my friends, thank you for giving a shit about me enough to even suggest me visiting, and thank you for being people i can truly rely on. i don’t know where i’d be if i didn’t have these people in my life. i’ve been going through a lot and it’s been very rough.

this trip had a very familliar feeling to leaving florida when i went to visit my ex. i wish my online friends lived here so i had people to routinely go out with and do stuff.

love y’all, i really do.

p.s. happy birthday border.